JUST A PERSONAL RANT

by Jeff · August 20, 2020

About following the rules……

I am just as independent of a thinker and doer as the next guy and maybe even moreso than most. Let’s talk about the brains God Gave A Rock. Everyone has heard of the Darwin Awards…You know, people that act a certain way and prove that they really shouldn’t be an active part of the gene pool. Every year people are hurt or killed because they couldn’t follow a few simple rules out in nature.

Well, if you can’t figure out that the National Park and Forest service rangers might have a little experience with injuries inflicted by extremely hot water (have you seen Dante’s Peak), angry wild animals (research that on YouTube) and dangerous heat and cliffs then maybe you should stay in your little apartment in the city and watch more episodes of Survivor or whatever your favorite fake outdoors show is. If you just have to touch that water that turns to steam even on a 90 degree day or you just have to try to touch that wild animal or feed it from your hand, perhaps you just need that one BIG selfie on a rock outcropping or decide that it’s just a little hike in the desert in 105 degrees; I think that you get exactly what you deserve. As more of you potential brain surgeons do these things more places are put off limits to people who truly desire to see them and benefit from the knowing of the place. Continue acting in your self-centered, ignorant and asinine ways and one day we will only see the sights through the lenses of professional photographers and cinema (okay sub to my blog and buy my photos). Perhaps you can follow a few simple guidelines and maybe, just maybe, we can continue seeing these attractions without having to be handheld through a visit.

CHILDREN in The great Outdoors

Keep little Johnny or Jane or whatever gender preference they have at bay as well. If you cannot teach your children civility and respect for others and property you should leave them at home. Don’t get me wrong, had it not been for my parents taking us outdoors, I would not be the person I am today or have the appreciation for the wonderment of the natural world that I do. But they never tolerated the absolute unadulterated bedlam that ensues when your little monkeys un-ass the car, van, SUV or whatever conveyance has brought you from whatever warren you live in and you fail to corral and instruct these little darlings in being courteous to others and the natural world (perhaps you don’t know yourselves?). You are not teaching your kids to be independent thinkers; you are teaching them to be inconsiderate asses. Of course, this is one way to ensure that you will rarely see those wild animals because they hate the noise your darling little munchkins make too. (Except Bear moms with cubs, they think you AND your little darlings are a menace around the cubs and will do their best to turn you and them into little munchy-kins).

ABOUT TRASH…WHY?

Is it you or little what’s its name that can’t hang onto whatever you just dropped and it blew, got kicked or maybe your inconsiderate self threw it into the mudpot? If you or your party cannot be responsible to keep your damned water bottles in your pack/pocket/underwear then why bring them? Did you pick up a trail guide or park newspaper/map? Why did I see it in a mud pot, hot spring outflow or just lying in the parking lot or along the trail? And for those of you that just can’t control yourselves around water with coins…drop them in the tip jars at your favorite concession, throwing them in a geyser or hot pool does not bring you luck, in fact the opposite will happen for I will report you to the nearest ranger so you can get that extra fee imposed for being a dumbass. JUST SAY NO TO TRASH, there are trash cans everywhere and if you don’t have pockets to put it in until you reach those trash cans then maybe you shouldn’t take it with you when you get out of the car, huh?

GRAFFITI

I get it, you want to have a legacy. The old timers throughout history have done it, in fact the National and State Park systems preserve these early forms of graffiti like petroglyphs, cave drawings and early pioneer engravings. So why not your legacy left alongside these historical items, surely some day someone will look at your name scratched next to Jed Smith from 1865 and say gee, look Mable at how much JB hearted KM in 2021. Or how about those great initials carved into that 200+ year old tree, I bet those future visitors will just be enamored with the way you destroyed that tree. Again, just a little bit of commons sense goes a long way in these matters. The department of the Interior for the United and the several states protects and ensures the legacy of historical markings. Your random expression of love is not one of those historical things and is unnecessary. Again, is this you or your unruly offspring? Either way; stop it, I implore you, do not make me break out my badge and handcuffs for I will hold you for the rangers by any means necessary so that you can be assessed that extra visitors fee for stupidity. Oh, this also means in the bathrooms, port-a-johns, concrete outhouses, concrete road barriers or anywhere else you get the itch to come all artistic. Get a blog or vlog, both can be had for free on the internet thingy which is probably where you learned to spell in the first place.

LIKE I SAID BEFORE, I WILL REPORT YOU AND MAY EVEN HOLD YOU FOR A RANGER TO ARRIVE, I DO HAVE HANDCUFFS. THIS I DO BECAUSE MY ANCESTORS HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, MY KIDS HATE YOU, MY GRANDKIDS HATE YOU, THE ANIMALS HATE YOU AND YOU ARE A MENACE TO A FABULOUS LEGACY.

Let’s just follow the few simple guidelines posted out there and life will be great for everyone trying to enjoy our natural world.

Oh, and for you that say there are folks that just don’t understand the rules in English, those rules are available in print for almost every language in the world.

RANT COMPLETE, WE CAN GO BACK TO OUR NORMALLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING.